Stop Accepting Bad Behavior From Men
Geplaatst op 18-02-2025
Categorie: Lifestyle
Question: After a long break from online dating, I decided to test the waters again. I matched with someone on Tinder who stated at the outset that he was interested in casual but ongoing dating. Repeated hookups, in other words. Which I’m ok with. We texted for a few days, and I asked him when he’d like to meet, he said sometime after the upcoming week. I asked him the following Sunday if he wanted to make a date for Wednesday night. Said he was coming down with a cold. Now, wouldn’t most say, let me see how I feel on Wednesday? He’s been polite, smart, interesting, insightful about women and dating, responsive, and acts as if he wants to meet, discusses our ‘future’ date, but he still hasn’t asked me out, so what gives? He’s attractive, bright, works in finance etc.. type of guy who probably has a healthy rolodex. So my guess is that he wasn’t sick- instead better options arose. Which is fine, I mean, he didn’t cancel a scheduled date, this is casual, that’s going to happen, and he’s certainly not going to tell me that. My question is- how much longer do I continue texting him before i tell him that I’m looking for more than penpal without seeming pushy? And how do I do it in a way that’s polite, but straightforward? I don’t want to seem pushy; I’ve already asked him out twice, so I’m leaving the ball in his court. But how long do i let it bounce around before I say something? Or should I just start replying to him with short answers.. not engaging in lengthy conversations with him? And generally, I just don’t think extensive pre date texting is a great idea. It can set up false expectations, and you should be making your first impression in person, not via text, and it takes some of the fun out of getting to know someone. Is he just keeping me “on hold” until he’s exhausted his rolodex? Why can’t this be simple..one shouldn’t have to write into a dating site to get advice on how to schedule a date!! But unless you’re telepathic.. this is what it’s like now.
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Jesus Christ. How many excuses are you going to make for this guy?
Here’s the bottom line: he’s jerking you around because you keep responding to him. And you keep responding to him because, attractive, bright, works in finance. He’s a catch, or so you think, so you keep sticking it out waiting for your turn at bat. The “I’m just looking for something casual and consistent” is usually a lie. He’s looking for something casual, alright. Consistent? Eh. Maybe not so much. He’s dangling the possibility of a relationship knowing he likely won’t commit to anyone. Thankfully for him, all many women need is the appearance of potential to invest themselves in a guy who shows no signs of offering a return on their investment.
Here’s what you’re not getting: even if he did finally find a window of time to meet with you, he’s still offering you nothing. Oh, you get to blow him on a regular basis? Stand aside, ladies. This one’s a keeper! No, he hasn’t been polite. He’s actually been quite rude. You just don’t see it that way because, attractive, bright, works in finance.
My question is- how much longer do I continue texting him before i tell him that I’m looking for more than penpal without seeming pushy? And how do I do it in a way that’s polite, but straightforward?
First of all, fuck polite. He’s not being polite. He couldn’t care less about your time or your feelings. He’s popping in and out and taking all of fifteen seconds to type out a reply to you. He’s exerting little effort. Stop communicating with him completely. If he decides to shoot you a text to test the waters and continue to keep you on the hook, reply back and say, “We’ve been texting for awhile now. If you’re not able to make concrete plans to take things offline, I think it’s best we stop communicating.” If he does finally decide to get off the pot, make the plans, tell him you’ll confirm day of, and say you’ll see him soon. Close that conversation in a way that makes it clear that you’re have no plans to get sucked back in to his little game.
If you do end up setting a date and time to meet, really analyze his behavior and ask yourself if this is someone you want to invest your time and emotions in. You haven’t even met this guy and you’re already second guessing yourself